So, the situation was that a boy playing with our daughter said something very inappropriate to her. Of course I let his parents know but our concern more than anything was where he had heard this from.. i actually wondered if he was being groomed for abuse by someone.
Anyway, the parents came to our door in a huff, questioning my daughter and said there is no way their son would say such a thing.. they were very upset and told my daughter their son was no longer ever going to play with her if she was making up such terrible things about their son. He had just been crying for 30mins telling them he never said that. They believed him. They also said if he did say that to our daugter he would be in huge trouble.
We were quite shocked at their reaction. I was also bothered that he was crying and denying it. Really? Why would he cry when being asked a simple question by his parents?
I dont think these parents had any clue how to deal with this type of thing. We had a few months prior have a older boy or our street show our daughter his penis.. well... no one reacted crazy. Kids do stuff like this. It was a teachable moment for each of our families. Better boundaries were put it place.
Then i got thinking... this crazy situation was different because he is an only child. Parents of 2 or more kids get TONS of experience dealing with conflict.. DAILY. Breaking up fights.. . dealing with "he said/she said"... one kids saying they didnt do what they are being accused of.. We learn how to talk and counsell. When kids are both saying opposite things parents dont take sides. If someone is lying you calmly talk to them. The truth is there. We teach honesty above all else. You can always uncover the truth. The most important thing to teach your kids is to always be honest, even if they are going to have a consequence... its the right thing to do and you as a parent can be very proud of them telling the truth even if they did something wrong.
We deal with this all the time. Our daughter never makes up stories about her younger brother. She admits when she does wrong in the face of losing privledges etc. We are proud of her.
There should be no need for a kid to bawl for a long time over a open discussion with their parent over inappropriate things. Parents need to stay calm and ask simple questions to get to the truth. You dont yell and threaten punishments to get your kid to be open and honest with you.. think about it. It would teach them to hide/lie to avoid punishment. Naturally.
For us.. we were saddened this kid had such an experience with his parents. If he had someone try to abuse him he could never open up to them. It was almost a relief though to say he wouldnt be playing with our daughter any more though. All he does to play with her is say hes a ninja and wants to train her getting her to do chin ups and push ups etc... promising her medals and trophys or reaching another level in training. Its not fun for her most of the time. Sometimes he is challenging her to do dangerous things like climb the top of our deck railing and jump off.. or ask her truth or dare questions she is uncomfortable doing/answering. She is always telling us how she has to say no to him all the time. We are always teaching her its healthy and good to say no to something you dont want to do. We always tell her how proud we are.
So... fast forward a few months, and this boy shows up in our backyard to play again. I had to ask "why are you playing here when your parents said youre not allowed?" His response: "We decided we would give her another chance".
Ummm... his parents were rude and overreacting. They insulted my daughter! I expected a big apology... not another insult!!! I had to say "sorry you dont need to play here" and send him off. No thanks.
Our daughter has lots of friends whose parents have never came over to get upset with her and whose kids arent inappropriate with her. We are good.
All this to say, I hope and pray parents out there will sit and talk calmly with their kids. Treat conflicts as wonderful teaching moments. That is what they are. We need to guide and teach our kids how to be great people in their future.
I hope a parent with an only child can learn from this post. Of course its scary to hear your kid is doing something inappropriate but be glad you are aware and its early in their life and you can teach them better. That is all. Parenting is one learning process after another.. for us and them!
Parents: We can do this :)
