He Saved us ALLLL

OK, now I am FARRRR from perfect, everyone who has ever met me can testify of that and I would tell you even more. I am not going to only post on here when everything is going smooth and beautiful appearing like I am a wonderful spiritual person who has it all together, Hahaha Just wait!! You'll hear me rambling and criticizing before long I know... I haven't felt inspired to write all those negative things to start off the blog. Ill try not to be too negative and depressing.
I'll start by being honest: I have been distant from God, angry at church criticizing everyone and everything there and not even wanting to go. I want more in life. I get depressed when everything around me feels dead. Ive been focused on the negative and everything seems to confirm that everything just sucks. But even if everything around me did you know what - I don't have to die along with it! I was thinking earlier today about people tortured for Christ and how they maintain for a long time deep relationship with Christ through it all. I need that communion, no matter what is going on. That experience, that faith to keep me pushing on and not worry what people do around me.

I keep on saying I will really get into God's presence on my own and come back to life.. but things in life help me procrastinate so easily. Even today, I went in the basement to worship - finally - and thought it smelled like cat pee so i scooped the litter box and went to open the window and found cat puke all over the side of the couch. As I was scrubbing that, I felt the constant procrastination creeping up that keeps me from God.. There is always more to do!! So while I scrubbed, I prayed "God don't let this stop what you had planned for me today". That was it, simple prayer. I couple other small things came up but I succeeded to turn on the music and just stand there singing simply "I just want to worship" not really knowing how after so long.

I only really listened to one song and it was powerful.

He died for ALLLLLLLL, All the people around us, everyone we meet on a daily basis. He Loves us ALLLLL and we are able to run into God's arms because of what Jesus did. We are ALLL good enough, and ALLL welcome any time no matter what. So many people around me have no idea of the Freedom and Love we are able to experience.. I havent been experiencing it!!!! I need to jump right in and get closer to God and not take for granted the Huge price that was paid for this freedom!! I need to LIVE IN IT! and It will Spill over, just like it spilled from others daily experiences to make me want what they had. God dont let us miss the whole point. You want us ALLLL to be with you ALL the time!!!!!!! No barriers between God & Man! :)

I really need to get deep and KNOW Him and be a Daily Christian, not just a weekly or even occasional one. God draw me in, draw us all in to You more.

I welcome accountability! Love you all.
Blessings!

Oh and the cd was Laura Woodley - Home. Just the returning-to-His-arms-intimacy I was looking for. :)