My Faith Journey

I went to Sunday school as a child. As we got older my mom had stopped going to church. When I became a rebellious teenager my mom started going back to church praying for me and my sister to come back to the right way of living. Her playing worship music in the house and taking her hands off of trying to control us and praying for us really made a difference. My sister and I both came to God at the same time in different ways. 

We went to a Baptist youth group and I attended a youth conference where I gave my heart to God. You may have read it already in my testimony but at that conference they asked "how would you respond if God made you Himself visible before you?". We were encouraged to find a quiet place by ourselves and respond to God in this way because He is right there. I pleaded for mercy, crying and repenting. In the middle of my repenting I heard God say "its ok". I said "how is it okay?" and I saw a picture of Jesus on the cross. I instantly gave everything that I had to God and committed my life to Him. 

Later in community college a friend in my class had never cut her hair and always wore skirts. I became good friends with her and she showed me in the Bible where those two things were mentioned. I wanted to do whatever God would ask of me so I started not cutting my hair and wearing skirts all the time and I did that for a awhile before I started questioning it. He was just one interpretation of that scripture. I thought that God wasn't really requireing me to wear skirts that he would love me just as much if I wore pants and I felt to stop. But my heart was right before God.

I believe that every denomination exists because of how people interpret the Bible. I believe that if you think the word is telling you to do a certain thing and you do it is beautiful.  Your heart is to do whatever he asks of you. That's how all of us should live. We need to be seeking whatever God wants and following as he leads us. He can speak so clearly and so personally.

In university I was invited to a church where they constantly were seeking more of the Holy Spirit. Mid week services focused on being filled with the Holy Spirit and to hear from God and be led by Him and hear His voice. Every Sunday was a celebration of whatever He was doing with everyone in the church all week. I was never happy going to any other churches after that because that's all I want. 

Later in life I have a few friends that believe that they need to follow the Torah. Many holidays and special dates and to remember certain things. I think it's beautiful to want to follow the whole Bible the whole old testament and do what God is asking you.  But for me to try to follow some of those things feels very difficult and religious. It's a struggle and a lot of the holidays are on days when other people are working and school is on that day and things like that. 

For me I've been battling for a while about whether I should follow the Holy Spirit or follow the Torah teachings. For me you can't really do both at the same time it doesn't feel like it's the same kind of God. I have written out many reasons why I could throw out the whole new testament and all of Jesus teachings and consider him a false prophet. But I can't I keep coming back to the fact that it's changed my life. The gospels have changed my life. I can't want to leave behind all my experiences that I've had with the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues and the grace and mercy from the cross that I require to be right with God. So for me I can't follow the Torah teachings completely. Its like choosing to stay at the bottom of the mountain when Moses goes up to get the Commandments for me to follow. 

It's hard for me to see that they are the same God in the Old testament and the New testament. I've really been battling with that. So I asked God to show me how they could both be true. The next day I felt that God was saying "remember Adam and Eve in the garden and how I wanted to walk and talk with with them that is what I still want. I'm the same God. I want my Holy Spirit to be with you and surrounding you and I want to walk and talk with you and have a relationship." So the New testament God is the same as the Old testament God in Genesis with Adam and Eve. The same God that took Moses up the mountain to meet with him and show him his glory. 

I want to walk up the mountain. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit I want to be surrounded by the glory. I want to speak in tongues and see miracles signs and wonders. I want to experience the God of the whole Bible. All through the Bible Yahweh spoke to people and led people. He still does.

Many times my mother has stopped tithing a rew times in her life. Every time she has stopped she'll start finding dimes when she's walking across a parking lot or walking down the street. She finds dimes. She feels that it is God speaking to her telling her that she needs to start tithing again so she does.

There was one time I was reading the Bible and I felt that I should do an Esther fast and I did. I had no food and no water for 3 days and come to find out it was right around the celebration of Purim. I thought it was just affirmation that I heard God right that I was supposed to do that fast and it was at the right time of the year. How beautiful is it to be led by God and have confirmation that you heard from him.

I want to do things that God is leading me to do and not just do things that other people are telling me to do. We are all equal no man is better than the next and we all interpret the Bible in different ways. All of us can hear from God and all of us need to be seeking him and being led by him and seeing the beautiful thing he unfolds. 

If I feel led to blow my shofar on the feast of trumpets and not even knowing that it's the:10 feast of trumpets and then looking at my calendar and seeing that that is: that's affirmation and confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. That God is leading me and speaking to me. I think it's amazing to research the different Hebrew feasts and to know why things happen what the significance of certain traditions are but I don't think I need to get caught up in long list of things to do. I just want to be led by God I want to seek him first and find him in every area of my life.

If I end up being religious it's because God has made me that way and led me to be that way. Not because I'm following someone else's teachings or a rulebook at all. The Fear of The Lord is the beginning of Wisdom. Prov 9:10.

I don't want to do all the things others teach only to die and have Him tell me "Depart from me I never knew you" matt 7:23

Seek and find Him. Listen for His voice. Ask questions and wait for answers. Rest. Give Him your all. See what beautiful tapestry he makes with your life.